Reweaving the lost threads of village: individual vs collective good

Post-partum stripped me bare.

And when we are stripped bare, I mean truly stripped bare, we get in touch with what is really important.

What life is really about.

Have you ever heard of “The Island with Bear Grylls”?

This show is a great example of being stripped bare.

A group of everyday people are dropped off on an island for a month and have to try and survive til the end.

Quickly, you see everyone come together, someone normally takes the lead, and then the group orients collectively as one mind, with one goal to survive.

They form their own Village.

You’ll see that, naturally, people want to contribute. They think of themselves and they also think of others. They realise that they are stronger together than alone.

In fact there were a few examples where relational ruptures caused an islander or two to isolate or break off from the group, but they soon came back because they realised they weren’t able to survive on their own. Instead, they repaired things and moved forward.

They share with each other, they lean on their strengths, they are honest, they care for each other and develop real deep bonds.

By the end they start moving out of survival and toward thriving even in the harsh conditions - laughing, connecting, and having a great time together.

They leave the island transformed, they have epiphanies, all things they take back home with them as valuable lessons.

But here is where it gets interesting.

As a social experiment on a different season, Bear Grylls introduces money drops on the island.

Straight away, you see a fracture form.

Now the “one mind” that supports the group’s survival as a whole, competes with “individualism”. Intentions clash.

People now have the distraction of money on their minds, and it funnels energy away from the survival of the group in the present moment, toward individual aims in the future.

The impact is felt.

This is where we start seeing corruption enter the tribe - lying, manipulation, greed and self-centredness.

At one point, the three strongest men even considered leaving the tribe of women and elderly folk as it would have been easier to survive without them, make it til the end, and then take home all the money they found.

But one young man was in touch with his heart over his head, his role as provider and protector, and he led everyone back to camp. They even shared some later money finds with those less abled.

It was a heartwarming thing to watch.

But the group later begins to fracture again when earlier deceit is uncovered and people feel deeply wounded by the actions of those they were building bonds with.

The individual mindset starts seeping in beyond just money, but with resources too, some finding food and eating it before they went back to camp to avoid sharing. Something that never happened when money hadn’t entered the system.

I felt so sad watching this.

It represents what has happened to the Western World and the cataclysmic impact it has had on everyone, especially on mothers and the family unit, which is the focus of our charity Mother Missionary.

Most of us haven’t been stripped bare yet.

We are still oriented toward individualistic aims because we know no different. We can’t see the negative impact it has on us and everyone around us because it’s normalised.

We have replaced connection with nature, God, and others, with cultural conditioning that blinds us to each other and what’s important, leaves us wounded, and orients us towards goals that serve only ourselves or unintentionally further our degraded “cultural machine”.

It has become the norm to operate as little individual islands that bump into each other on occasion.

As a result, most of us haven’t transcended survival mode (fight or flight), and we don’t realise it because we haven’t ever experienced anything different. We haven’t realised how much we truly do need each other if we want to thrive instead of just survive.

This state of our world leaves many post-partum mothers drowning & disillusioned upon entering into Motherhood. Descending into survival mode, auto-pilot, isolation, exhaustion, depletion, even depression and anxiety. It leaves them with only themselves to draw on, their husbands if they are blessed, maybe some grandparents if they are lucky.

But it’s never enough to truly thrive like God intended, or to parent to the standard that all parents desire, and could achieve if the supportive ecosystem were present.

Because the family unit, the thriving of the next generation, and the tribe as a collective is no longer the focus. Instead our world is set up to divide us and foster self-focused individualism, leaving very little left to give even if we were to offer support to others around us.

When you look at the world, you see the impact.

It reflects the dysfunction of our culture.

It’s no Garden of Eden is it?

But there is a movement in the air…

Those sensitive enough to feel it can, and are moving towards it.

There is a movement away from individualism back to the collective way of life, but from a truly holy, healthy, healing place.

One that is transcending generational curses, and passing on generational blessings.

The uniting thread is God.

Not through dogma of the mind, but direct relationship from the heart.

And when we unite in this way, through this shared consciousness, oriented towards the highest good of all concerned, in honour of Gods will instead of our own, suddenly our values and goals change, and they begin matching up with each other’s.

A new kind of ecosystem begins forming.

A new future becomes possible.

Survival mode starts being transcended.

Healing and transformation occurs.

Deep connection is rekindled.

The family unit strengthens. It expands. Human resources begin to appear to sustain new life entering the system, without collapsing.

This is what we are moving towards…

Based on our own experiences in motherhood, my best friend and I started Mother Missionary to support this very movement.

A movement that plants the seeds of our lost Village amongst our local communities.

A movement that connects younger women and old alike, who may be feeling isolated or lacking a sense of purpose, with vulnerable post-partum mothers and grieving families who need support.

If you’re feeling inspired by this mission and want to get involved, we are looking for fellow Villagers (volunteers) to join us.